He's a super cool guy that visits my kids during bathtime. He does silly things like dances on the showerhead, then falls off and gets wet. He talks in a deep voice with an odd accent. He enjoys making a "bloop" noise while dispensing conditioner into children's hands. He likes to play peek-a-boo from behind the shower curtain. He also inspects children's cleanliness before allowing them to do their hair. He is generally delightfully funny and makes bathtime more pleasant for all involved. His conception was a moment of parental boredom, and he now holds a prominent place in our nightly routine.
Last night my 4 year old asked, "Mommy, how does Mr Conditioner talk?" I kinda laughed it off, so she continued, "Mommy, how does Mr Conditioner talk and move? Is it really you?"
I was floored. I have made no secret of what I am doing. My arm is clearly attached while he dances and does flips. She can see my face while I am talking in my 'My Conditioner voice.' I thought this was extremely obvious to all involved.
Furthermore, my 4 year old is a precocious child in many ways. She recently declared that she wanted to get her ears pierced. When I started in on my spiel, she cut me off with, "Mommy, I know that it will hurt for a minute, but I won't fuss, so can you please drive me to the ear piercing place?" I could come up with no better response than to grab my car keys. She got her ears pierced (one at a time!) with no fussing and cleaned them twice a day for 6 weeks with no prompting. She also cleans her own room, enjoys cooking, and can read. This child can competently order a meal in a restaurant, pay with a credit card, and give our phone number for the rewards program. We have discussed birth, death, girls marrying other girls (she wanted to marry her widowed great-grandmother), life being unfair, and many other difficult topics. She's basically a really short adult most of the time.
So did she really not know that I am Mr Conditioner? She looked disappointed when I told her that it was really me.
This incident made me really think about the line between fantasy and reality, or perceived reality.
If you know me, you know that we don't do Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, or any other such people. When we see a costumed character, my kids know that it's a person in a costume for fun. And yes, they still think it's fun. We also don't do TV, so my kids have little experience with most characters. We do read a lot, so my kids have seen talking animals and such, but we discuss that it's all pretend.
I have read that kids have trouble understanding the difference between real and pretend. I never understood that statement until last night.
It makes me question why we live in a society that fills kids heads with nonsense about princesses, Santa Claus, and talking cars. Why do we work to make our kids believe all this? I have seen parents go to great lengths such as letters from the Tooth Fairy, or having 'Santa' on speed dial on their phone to call when their child misbehaves. It seems that many parents use such things as a way to control their child. Parents say it's for their child, or for fun, but really is calling 'Santa' because your kid was rude at dinner really any fun? Maybe we need to redefine fun?
I've also seen way too many kids who are devastated when they realize that their parents have been lying to them the whole time. It seems to me that that type of behavior destroys our parental credibility. So you lied about the Easter Bunny huh? Did you also lie about drugs being bad for you?
So while this conversation had definitely provoked some serious thought, Mr conditioner/mommy being silly will be back tonight for my kids' bath. I'll just make sure that they know that Mommy has as much fun being Mr Conditioner as they have giving him high fives.
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