How to Shower with a Toddler

How to Shower With A Toddler

(Yes, this is the sequel to my previous post "How To Shower With A Baby").

Get toddler up, feed her breakfast, take her to the restroom (where she swears she does not need to go), dress her in cute new outfit. Give her new toys to play with while attempting shower.

Briefly consider whether shower with toddler around is worth it while waiting for water to warm. Toddler has been awake since 6:15 - showering before she got up was out of the question. Try to forget going to bed at 1:40 last night. Realize that you are daydreaming and wasting hot water and happy-toddler time.

Open shower door quietly, hope toddler does not notice. Success! Realize that bathroom door is open, decide to close it because the last time you let toddler leave the bathroom while you showered . . .

Get caught closing bathroom door. Get dirty look from toddler who does not like being contained. Suggest playing with shoes in closet to distract toddler. While she is eating shoes, get into shower.

Try to close shower door. Toddler runs from closet screaming hysterically.

Aim shower head at far corner of shower. Cower in corner trying to get warm while toddler sits on bath mat to watch you shower with the door open.

Wash body. Repeatedly answer toddler's questions about where daddy, cousin, and grandmother are.

Toddler spits up breakfast all over new shirt.

Remove toddler's shirt.

Toddler considers this an invitation to join you in shower. While wearing new pants and shoes.

Convince soggy toddler that she cannot enter shower.

Shampoo hair. 

Toddler insists that she needs to potty. Now!

Jump out of shower with shampoo-hair and run toddler to toilet. (At least it was close.)

Toddler pees 3 drops. Toddler demands M&M's.

Run to other bathroom for M&M's. Contemplate whether handing over a whole bag would allow for a peaceful shower. Decide against it.

Put soggy pants back on toddler, wipe shampoo from eyes, and decide to forgo conditioner. Get back into shower.

Realize that forgetting to close toilet-room door was a mistake. Endure hot water flashes as toddler flushes toilet. Repeatedly.

Rinse quickly and try to get out before toddler gets hurt playing slip and slide on the bathroom floor.

Get out of shower just in time for toilet flushing to cease being amusing. 

Toddler comes running to hug wet legs. Oh well, she's soggy anyway.

Glance into closet to note that at least 20 shoes are now in a heap in the laundry basket. All untied.

The laundry is no longer in the basket . . .

Decide that after dressing, redressing toddler, and cleaning up closet mess, maybe a shower wasn't worth it after all.

Look at clock. Realize that shower-ordeal has claimed over an hour of your morning.

Hug toddler and take her out to lunch.

Originally published on Facebook on October 15, 2012.